I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
