I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
