How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
