dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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