the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
