when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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