she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
