The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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