If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
