you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
