you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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