did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize