my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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