Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
