I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
