How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
