i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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