Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
