his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
