Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
