I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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