I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
