this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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