oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
