When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
