Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
