Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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