I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
