you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
