About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize