if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
