please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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