i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
