Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
