I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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