If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
