I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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