and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
