I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
