Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
