what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
