She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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