I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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