he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
