Someone shattered a urinal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
