Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
