carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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