im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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