You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize