absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
