I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
