I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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