yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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