I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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