I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
