hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
