Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
