After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
