my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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