we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
