New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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