so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
