I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
