this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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