my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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