Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
