Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize